Talk Me Down
by rosieposy
Summary: What happens when everything gets too much for Ianto after The Brecons. Contains thoughts of suicide.
1. Chapter 1

**AN I got the idea for this after listening to the Westlife song 'Talk Me Down' and thought it just fitted Ianto after 'Countrycide'.**

**Thanks go to my wonderful beta JonesIantoJones.**

**Disclaimer: They don't belong to me. **

**Talk Me Down**

"Jack." Gwen called "Have you seen Ianto I need him to get a file for me."

"Nope, sorry don't know where he is. Have you tried his comm unit?" Jack answered back.

"Yeah he's not answering." She said looking up at him as he came out of his office.

"Tosh can you bring up CCTV for the Hub. Let's see if we can find him." Jack said coming to stand behind her.

Tosh pulled up the links and they looked through them. Ianto wasn't anywhere in the Hub.

"Ok." began Jack, "Who was the last person to see him, and when?"

Everyone began talking at once so holding up his hand Jack said. "Ok Tosh you first."

"He brought me coffee at about 10 this morning. That was the last time I remember seeing him." Tosh answered.

Jack turned to Gwen. "Um think it was about the same time as he brought me a coffee too. Don't think I've seen him since."

"Owen." Jack yelled down to the med bay.

"Yeah." Came the shout back.

"When and where did you see Ianto last?" Jack asked walking over to the steps so Owen wouldn't have to shout.

"Um don't know what time, but he brought me coffee sometime this morning. Why?" He asked concerned.

Jack looked worried. "He's gone missing. No one's seen him since he made us all coffee around 10 this morning. Tosh has checked he's not in the Hub and Gwen can't get him on comms."

"Have you tried his phone?" Owen asked logically.

Tosh looked up from her computer "Yes just tried. It went straight through to answer phone."

"Ok we know he brought coffee to everyone about 10. Tosh go back and check the CCTV see what he did after that. Gwen see if you can track his mobile." Jack ordered them.

While they were doing this Owen went back to his autopsy muttering about 'stupid tea-boys'.

Ten minutes later and Tosh had found the last place Ianto had been. She called the rest of them over so they could look together. The monitor showed Ianto delivering coffee to Tosh, Gwen, Owen and finally Jack at 10.15 after that he had gone up to the tourist office where it looked like he had opened some post. He had sat and stared at one particular piece for a good five minutes before opening it reading it and putting it back into the envelope. He then put it in his pocket got up and left the building.

"What the hell just happened there?" Jack exclaimed. "Tosh can you get the external cameras up. Let's see if we can see where he's gone."

It took a while but Tosh eventually found Ianto. "Jack you're not going to believe this but he's stood on the top of the Altolusso building."

"What!" Jack sounded surprised. "Why would he be up there he doesn't like heights? Owen with me. Tosh, Gwen monitor him at all times - if he moves let me know." Then they were gone.

******TORCHWOOD******

They got to the building quickly and raced up the 23 floors, then up again onto the very top of the building. As they emerged onto the roof they slowed down not wanting to spook Ianto who was stood right on the edge. They approached him from the side so he would be able to see them. Jack put his hand up to stop Owen going closer and then continued to walk towards Ianto.

"Do you know what date it is?" Ianto asked without acknowledging Jack. When Jack didn't say anything Ianto continued. "It's the date of The Battle. With everything else going on I'd completely forgotten." He then turned to Jack and whispered. "I'm so tired all the time I just want it to end. What are we fighting for Jack, 'cos I really don't know anymore."

Jack had slowly inched his way forward so that he was standing in front of Ianto. "We fight to keep people safe we do it because there is no-one else." Jack answered him.

Ianto spoke as though he hadn't heard Jack. "When I was in that farmhouse I really thought I was going to die and for just a second I welcomed death. As he held the cleaver to my throat everything I'd ever done flashed before me and I realised how little I'd actually achieved. I thought of all my family and friends, and realised that I haven't much of the first and most of the second died at The Battle so there was no-one really to miss me."

"We would."Jack said softly.

Ianto laughed bitterly. "You wouldn't miss me. You might miss the coffee, the place being clean and me doing al the paperwork but you wouldn't miss me until you wanted something. Who was it this time that needed me that made you realise I wasn't there? It would be so easy to step off and just end it." He said as he looked over the edge of the building at the ground far below.

"Ianto come back with me and we can talk about this please." Begged Jack. "I know we've all been wrapped up in our own little bubbles since The Brecons but we are here for you, I am here for you, you only have to ask. And I know that's not much but please, jumping is not the answer. C'mon take my hand. We don't even have to go back to the Hub we can go to that coffee shop that you like." Jack held out his hand palm up and waited to see what Ianto would do. It felt like hours had passed before Ianto carefully placed his hand into Jack's. And then Jack was pulling him into a fierce hug whispering in his ear. "Never doubt how much I care about you."

They turned and walked towards Owen who heaved a sigh of relief, which was echoed by the girls over the comms.

"You are getting a complete physical when we get back." Owen gruffly said trying to hide his concern.

"I'm fine it's just been a long few weeks, but thanks." Ianto said as they made their way out of the building still holding Jack's hand. Everything was going to be ok now he was sure of it. As long as he had Jack Owen Tosh and Gwen everything was going to be ok.

**AN2 I was going to leave it there but a comment by my beta got me thinking, so if you want me to write what happens in the coffee shop and Iantos physical please review and let me know. Barb xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to all who reviewed and who asked so nicely for the 'coffee shop' scene here it is for you hope you like it.**

**Thanks to JonesIantoJones for betaing it for me really quickly.**

**Disclaimer: As before.**

Talk Me Down part 2

As they stood in front of the building Jack turned to Ianto and asked, "Do you want to go back to the Hub?"

Ianto shook his head and agitatedly said. "You said we could go to the coffee shop."

"Coffee shop it is then." Jack said with fake cheerfulness. Turning to Owen he told him, "You take the SUV back, we'll walk."

"Ok but when you get back I am doing that physical on you." He answered addressing Ianto.

Ianto didn't answer Owen, just nodded.

Owen left them and got in the SUV. Once he was out of sight Jack and Ianto turned in the direction of Duke Street to go to Garlands Coffee Shop. They didn't talk on the way but Ianto clung onto Jacks hand.

Once they arrived at the coffee shop they found a quiet table where they would be able to talk in peace without being overheard or disturbed. Jack ordered them both black coffees with warm milk to add to them. They didn' t speak untill after their coffees had arrived.

"Did you really want to end your life today?" Jack asked quietly.

Ianto took a sip of his drink before answering. "I don't know. I don't think so. I really don't know what I would've done if you and Owen hadn't turned up when you did. It had taken me so long to get to the edge." He smiled ruefully. "I'm so tired of all the shit I end up being in Jack. When do I get a break?" He ran a hand over his face.

"Now. You get your break now. Tell me something? What pushed you over the edge today? What made you suddenly decide to walk out of work and climb that building?" Jack asked solemnly.

Ianto pulled the letter from his jacket pocket and handed it to Jack. "I recieved this in the post today." Jack looked at it before Ianto continued. "Go on you can open it."

Jack took the piece of paper out of the envelope and read it. It was a letter from another survivor asking Ianto if he would like to attend a meeting to discuss the possibility of erecting some sort of memorial on the site of Torchwood One. Jack looked at Ianto stunned.

"That's when I realised what the date was today and with what happened with....with Lisa just a few months ago and then the cannibals, I wasn't thinking straight. It all came crashing down on me." Ianto continued quietly. "You all seemed to be coping with what happened and what you saw. Me - I just wanted to fall apart. Ask why. Why would another human being do that to someone. But I couldn't, I had to stay strong and look after you all."

"Oh Ianto." Jack said taking hold of his hand. "You don't have to be strong all the time. If you want to fall apart, yell, scream, shout, throw things or whatever, then do it. We won't think any less of you. We all have different ways of coping with what we see and do." Ianto stared at Jack as he carried on. "Tosh looses herself in her computers making new programmes and updating the data bases - says it's calming and therapeutic. Owen goes out drinking and picking up women. Gwen has Rhys she can go home and forget Torchwood for a while. And me - me I find the tallest building and go and stand on the roof and watch ordinary people go about their ordinary lives and think - this is what we're fighting for." He said passionately.

"I didn't realise. I just saw you all carrying on as though nothing out the ordinary had happened and thinking I had to be strong and just get on with it otherwise you'd all see how weak I am." Ianto said bowing his head so Jack couldn't see the tears in his eyes.

"Hey look at me Ianto." Jack said firmly. When Ianto kept his head down Jack carefully put his finger under his chin and lifted it up so he had no choice. "You are not weak. What you did for Tosh in that farmhouse was brave - very brave but also vey foolish. You gave Tosh the chance to escape at the expense of yourself. Please don't do that again. I really would miss you."

Ianto interrupted "You wouldn't miss me mayb..."

Jack didn't let him finish "Ianto I would miss you first and foremost. Yes I would miss the coffee and you do look good in a suit but it would be you I'd miss Your sense of humour, you and Owen sniping at each other pretending you hate one another, you laughing when you think no-one else is around, but most of all I would miss your warmth and your smile."

Ianto looked completely shocked at this. "Do you really mean all that Jack or are you just saying it to make me feel better."

Jack once again took Ianto's hand in his and brought it to his lips. Then brushing them over Ianto's knuckles and staring into his eyes he said very softly. "Believe me Ianto I mean every word I have just said."

Ianto's breath hitched as he whispered. "I believe you Jack. Thank you."

They sat for a few minutes both absorbing what the other had said and thinking about where they would go from here. Ianto broke the silence. "Jack please tell me I can get over this? Help me believe that it's not all bad out there."

"It's not all bad and together we will help you get over this. I will be here for you; you only ever have to ask. Are you ready to go back to the Hub? I know Gwen and Tosh are just as worried about you. Even Owen cares even though he won't ever admit it." Jack grinned.

"I'm as ready as I ever will be." He replied standing up.

Jack also stood and once they had left the coffee shop slipped his hand into Ianto's as they walked back to the Hub.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN Thanks to JonesIantoJones your amazing.**

**Disclaimer: Definately not mine.**

Talk Me Down part 3

As they got nearer to the Hub Jack felt Ianto tense beside him. He gave his hand a quick squeeze. "Hey it'll be alright. Owen just wants to make sure all your physical wounds are healing ok. Tosh and Gwen will probably try to hug you to death. And me I'll be there to give you all the support you want."

They approached the Tourist Information Centre and Jack unlocked the door and they made their way down to the main area where, as predicted Tosh and Gwen were waiting. As soon as Ianto was through the metal door they were upon him hugging him. "Oh sweetheart nothing's that bad it can't be fixed." Gwen said rubbing her hand up and down his arm. "We're all here for you."

Tosh gave his hand a gentle squeeze and said. "I'm sorry for not realising how you were feeling. If you ever want to talk I'll listen."

Ianto squeezed her hand back and said quietly to both of them. "Thank you."

Owen appeared from the autopsy. "Ok enough with the hugging I've got a physical to perform. This way tea-boy." He said lokking at Ianto.

"Shall I make coffee for everyone first?" He asked trying to delay the inevitable.

"Ianto you can use all the delaying tactics you like you are not getting out of this. So the quicker we get started the quicker we finish." Smirked Owen.

Ianto gave Jack a look that clearly said 'Do I have to.' To which Jack laughed and said "Yes. Now go with the nice doctor so he can make sure you're ok."

Ianto glared at Jack before going to the autopsy bay where Owen was waiting for him. "Decided to join me have you? Hop onto the bed and let me look at that bruise on your head."

Ianto did as he was asked and sat there waiting. Owen stood in front of him and inspected the bruise he prodded it around the edges slowly working his way towards the centre until Ianto yelped when Owen's fingers hit a particularly painful bit. " Did that hurt?" He asked grinning as he pressed on the same spot.

Ianto glared at him but said nothing.

"Ok that bruise is healing nicely. Can you take off your jacket and shirt so I can look at the rest of the bruises and check your ribs?" He asked.

Just as Ianto had taken off his shirt Jack came and leant over the railings and grinned down at him. Ianto glared back "Is nothing private anymore?" He deadpanned.

Jack's grin widened. "Not with you sat there in just your trousers." Then addressing Owen asked. "How's he looking? Other than hot."

"Only you would find someone with a myriad of bruises hot." Replied Owen.

"No I just find Ianto hot." Jack still grinning said.

"Hey I'm still sat here getting cold." Ianto interrupted.

"Right Harkness, unless you have something useful to bring to the proceedings then piss off and let me work." Owen snarked.

"Ok ok I'm going." Jack winked at Ianto before leaving him in the medic's hands.

"Right now that he's not stood there leering at you just lie back a bit and I'll run the Bekaran Scanner over your ribs see how they're healing." Owen ran the scanner slowly across Ianto's body. "Right do you want to tell me exactly where it hurts and no bullshitting me and saying you're fine."

Ianto sighed, and knew he was clearly not going to get out of it this time. He took a deep breath. "Ribs hurt if I do anything strenuous, my stomach hurts from where they kicked me other than that I am fine."

"What about the rope burns on your wrists? How are they healing?" Owen asked still taking readings from the scanner and inputting them into the computer.

Ianto held up his wrists for Owen to have a look at. "They're ok no problems."

"Hmm." Taking one in his hand and looking at it more closely he added "Don't think it's going to leave a scar unlike the knife wound on you neck which looks like it might leave a faint one. Ok think that's me done." As Ianto reached for his shirt Owen said. "Your ribs might benefit from being strapped. I can do that now for you if you want."

What Ianto wanted was to just get out of there. He sighed when he heard Jack shout. "Think that's a good idea. Do it Owen."

"Don't I get a say." Ianto said grumpily.

Jack came and stood in front of him and rested his hands either side of Ianto's thighs. "Hey if it helps heal them quicker it's gotta be a good idea, right?"

Ianto stared back at him and said sulkily "I s'pose." Then he let Owen tape his ribs before putting his shirt back on. As he got off the bed he turned to Owen and said. "If you've finished I'll go and make some coffee for everyone, then get back to work.

"You can make the coffee then you can go home." Owen told him. Ianto went to argue with him but Owen just continued. "You've been through a lot today and you are mentally as well as physically exhausted and as your friend I'm asking you to get some rest. If you don't then as Torchwood's medic I'm ordering you to get some rest. Up to you which one you listen to."

"Well with those options looks like I'm making coffee then going home and resting." Ianto sighed.

Ianto handed Tosh and Gwen their coffees with a small smile and a quiet thank you, then went to give Owen his. As he walked back up the steps Owen called him back. "Ianto if you ever feel like this again promise me you'll come talk to one of us."

"I promise." He said softly then continued up to find Jack who was going to take him home. He felt a bit of the despair he had been feeling lift slightly as he thought about the worry and concern Jack, Gwen, Tosh and Owen had shown him today. He didn't feel quite so alone as he had done and decided that although bad things would still happen with his friend's support he could get through them.

**AN2 This is the end for now but I do have a couple of ideas for a sequel so watch this space. Barb **


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